 | | | Jessica Here is my little girl who is 2 today (11th June) |  |
| Leo Harry Hyman Leo is now nearly 4! It is still lucky he is cute (as his father I have to say that) as he is a proper cheeky monkey.
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| Callum Callum is nearly 8 now and has a new best friend, Duffy. Duffy was brought into the family so that Callums Daddy didn't have to run around the garden like a lunatic for 2 hours a day!
He is great with his little brother and sister, so if anyone needs a babysitter in 6 years time please book in now!
If anyone wants a shidduch for 20 years time..... |  |
| Titanics, Food & Drink outlet of the year! WE WON!!!!
This is a great honour for us all here as there are a lot of shops that the judges can choose from and to be shortlisted in the top 6 along with shops like Harvey Nichols, can only be a sign that we are doing something right.
Here's a picture of the trophy for those of you not able to get in and see it. We will be having guided tours of our trophy room in the same way that succesful football clubs do. Please allow 10 seconds of your time for the tour. (Well it is the first award we have won!) |  |
| | | | | Stanleys Joke of the Week Unfortunatley we have had to censor his latest jokes about jewish husbands! but email us with joke in the subject line and we will send it to you!
A topical joke about the Gaza Flotilla.
Hamas have refused any of the building materials from the aid flotila, This is because they are anti-cementic!
What did the dog trainer say to the Jewish dog?
Sit Sit!
Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland. One is holding a large Cross and the other a large Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the Star of David but drop money in the other guy’s hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the guy with the Star of David and says, "Don't you realize that this is a Christian country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."
The guy holding the Star of David then turns to the guy holding the Cross and says, "Hymie, look who's trying to teach us Marketing."
"Noah," says the Lord, "for the next flood, I want no animals on board, just fish. And not any old fish, but only carp, in glass tanks."
"And this time," says the Lord, "think big, Eight decks at least."
"I got you," says Noah, "what you want is a multi-storey carp ark."
Maisie is in court for shop lifting, she's 80 years old and a little frail. The judge after hearing her plea guilty asks what she stole. " A tin of peaches" was the reply. "And how many peaches were in the tin" asked the judge. Maisie feebly answered 6. "in that case you shall receive 6 days in custody" said the judge. At that point Abe, Maisies husband gets up and says "Your honour, She also stole a tin of peas!"
THE RABBI AND ALEX
One Saturday morning, the rabbi noticed little
Alex standing in the foyer of the shul staring up
at a large plaque.It was covered with names with small American
flags mounted on either side of it.
The seven year old had been staring at the plaque
for some time, so the rabbi walked up, stood
beside the little boy, and said quietly,
"Good morning Alex." "Good morning rabbi," he replied, still
focused on the plaque. "Rabbi, what is this?" he asked the rabbi. The rabbi said,
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the
service."
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the
large
plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible
and trembling with fear, asked, "Which service,
Rabbi, Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur?"
TRADITION!
During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema
prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained
sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to
sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up.
The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know
what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a housebound 98
year old man who was one of the original founders of their temple. The
rabbi hoped The elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual
temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a
representative of each faction of the congregation.
The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the
tradition to stand during this prayer?"
The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."
The one whose followers sat said, "Then the tradition is to sit during Shema!"
The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."
Then the rabbi said to the old man, "But the congregants fight all the
time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand."
The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is the tradition!"
Sorry about this one!
Evening Prayers
When young David was asked by his father to say the evening prayer, he
realized he didn't have his head covered...so he asked his little
brother Henry to rest a hand on his head until prayers were over. Henry
grew impatient after a few minutes and removed his hand. The father
said, "This is important...put your hand back on his head!" to which
Henry exclaimed, "What, am I my brother's kipah?"
Some more NEW/BAD jokes!!!!
Q: What is the proper blessing to recite before logging on to the Internet?
A: "Modem anachnu loch..."
Q: If a doctor carries a black leather bag and a plumber carries a box of tools, what does a mohel carry?
A: A bris kit.
Q: What do you call the steaks ordered by ten Jewish men?
A: Fillet minyan.
Q: What kind of cheese melts on a piece of matza to make a passover pizza?
A: Matzarello
Q: What do you call an uncircumcised Jew who is more than 8 days old?
A: A girl.
Q: What did the waiter ask the group of Jewish mothers?
A: "Is anything OK?"
Q: Where does Moshe hide money from his wife Sadie?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take the change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody.
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